Not Always Did We Understand Each Other

Last time we talked about “How Often Do You Communicate”. We all agreed that communication in marriage plays a big part.

As I told you the last time, we do communicate and most times, way too much. But it wasn’t like that always.

Like in every relationship  in every marriage, I’m sure, things get rough at times. Closing that line of communication and trying to hold it all to yourself is definitely not the answer. I can tell you this from the experience.

Love was so pushed to the side. Understanding, and everything that kept us together. The tough time, unexplained by both parties was taking over. It was a lesson learned!

At some point after our daughter was born things got weird, to say the least. We didn’t fight. But we didn’t talk much to each other either. We seemed to take the change of life (going from alone-world revolves around us to parents-someone else is the most important now) a little difficult.

I felt alone, yet I didn’t want to see or hear anyone. Call it pregnancy symptoms, new mom, or postpartum depression I really don’t know what it was. I seemed to devote my time to our new baby and that was the world. All of a sudden being a wife seemed so not right.

At the same time Hubby was drowning in work. We hardly saw each other at all, but at the times we did, our time was spent separate.

We never talked about our feelings. We never talked about what was bothering us.

Holding things in solved nothing. We were “mad” at each other for no reason. My days were isolated from the outside world, reality. I felt that the best thing for me was to be with our daughter and not get involved with anyone including my husband. He, on the other hand felt that after a twelve-hour shifts at work really didn’t need to guess what was I thinking or feeling.

But the point is, instead of talking to him, I wanted him to guess. I wanted him to know, yet not to tell him, that the change did affect me. That most times I don’t know what I was doing. I double, triple questioned every move I made. It’s like all of a sudden I didn’t know what I was doing, who I was and where I belonged.

I wanted family to visit, yet I couldn’t stand anyone in the house. They would visit, I would smile, but at the same time would count seconds for everyone to leave so that I could sit and be with the baby. I didn’t ask questions, I didn’t allow anyone to help…

It backfired on us. It went so far that when we snapped into reality we realized that months have passed, and we felt like we didn’t know each other. We didn’t recognize us, those two people we knew just months before.

It was hard till we opened up to each other. Till we talked things out, and realized that we are not each others problem. The problem was new lifestyle we needed to get use to.

Becoming parents was one of the best things we did, but at that time we needed to open ourselves more to each other. Because the new lifestyle, new change, parenting didn’t need to be a wall between us. It suppose to bring us closer, not apart.

Tell me: Did lack of communication ever affect your marriage?

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